Title: Days in Macedonian Lives
Author: Qaddafi the Ripper
Summary: Eurydike gets dragged along to shop with Olympias and Phillina.
Notes: I've come up with a new (and amusing) euphemism for sex.

Episode 3: Girls' Day Out.

There were certain things a girl could expect in life. She could expect a stern, demanding father who would rarely pay attention to her because she was a girl, but who still loved her despite her sex. She could expect to be married, probably to someone she'd never met before, but who would hopefully treat her well and who she might grow to love and be loved by. She could expect, gods willing, to bear many healthy children and see grandchildren before she died.

There were other things that girls certainly didn't expect in life, or at least that Kleopatra (she refused to think of herself as Eurydike) expected in life. One of them was to open the door of her house and find two of the king's wives on her doorstep. She nearly fainted from shock (and dread, since one of the two was Olympias).

"Hello, dear," Olympias greeted her warmly. "Are you doing anything today?"

"Uh... well..." Kleopatra had stammered awkwardly.

"Nothing, then? Good, grab your purse. You're coming with us."

Somehow, and she would never be quite sure how, Kleopatra found herself clutching her purse to her chest as Olympias and Phillina led her through the marketplace. The queen was currently arguing loudly with a merchant over a (in her opinion) highly overpriced item. The other woman turned to her with a kind smile. "You are very pretty, Eurydike," she remarked.

Kleopatra smiled back at her tentatively. Phillina reminded her of her aunt: kind, patient, understanding, and loving. If she'd been a more cynical person, she'd have wondered how Phillina could stand living with Olympias and Philip, but she wasn't so she didn't. "My name's Kleopatra," she corrected the older woman shyly, "and thank you."

"That's nice, Eurydike," Phillina said, patting her arm gently. "Now, have you ever thought about using some make-up? You are very lovely, but rather pale. A little red on your cheeks would do wonders..." She turned from Kleopatra, muttering to herself all the items she'd need to give the girl a complete make-over.

Kleopatra wondered if now would be a good time to panic. More than that, she wondered if there was any way she could not end up as a member of this family. She'd hoped, after her fiasco of a date with Philip, that her uncle would decide to call the whole crazy thing off. To her surprise, he seemed happy about the whole thing, although he reiterated that she couldn't let Philip touch her until after she became queen.

It was probably hopeless, so she might as well try to make friends with these women. She sighed and let Phillina drag her over to a booth that was selling cosmetics.

Unbeknownst to the three women, but beknownst to the readers, Philip had decided that fair play was always, well, fair, and so was turnabout. Put another way, if Olympias could follow him and screw up his dates, he could follow her around and screw up her dates. It was all part of being married. So he'd taken a chapter from the book of Attalos and gone spying. But he, being considerably more intelligent than Attalos, at least had the sense to put on a disguise. And perhaps fake glasses, a rubber nose, and a mustache blatantly a different color than his hair wasn't the best disguise in the world, but a man had to work with what he was given. It was all part of strategy, or something like that.

He got a number of strange looks in his get-up, but he didn't think anyone recognized him, which was the important part. Well, that and lurking around corners and watching people who didn't know he was watching them. He'd spotted three very attractive young women, two adorable youths, a fine horse, a cute chicken... No! He shook his head and refocused his attention on a matronly woman with very formidable cleavage, which eventually proved to be an adequate distraction.

He saw the three women slowly walk away from where he stood and stealthily moved after them. Phillina had noticed a quaint little café and the three sat down for a snack. Phillina took out the purchases she'd made for Eurydike, explaining to Olympias just how she planned to make the girl over. Kleopatra listened in a rather dazed silence for a while, before she blurted out, "What's it like?"

The other two women blinked. "What's what like, dear?" Phillina asked gently.

Kleopatra blushed. "What's it like being married to the king? And what's it like having to share him with each other?"

"Well, with more than one wife, at least he doesn't come bothering us at night anymore!" Olympias laughed. "He likes to think he's a real lover, but... well..."

"Well what?" Kleopatra persisted.

Olympias grinned. "But Phillina here is a much better kisser than he is." And she and Phillina proceeded to demonstrate, in graphic detail, just that. Had there been any flies around, Kleopatra would have caught quite a few during said demonstration. When they finally finished kissing (which could have been clocked, had clocks been invented yet, at just under five minutes (not something to be attempted by amateurs, lest one run out of oxygen, which also hadn't been invented yet)), Kleopatra spoke up.

"You're bad people," she gasped out in a stunning display of verbosity. "Women aren't supposed to... er..." she trailed off, not quite sure just what women weren't supposed to do, but very sure they weren't supposed to do whatever it was.

"Did you read that pamphlet I gave you the other day, Eurydike?" Olympias asked.

"Kleopatra," she corrected automatically. It was her name and she had no intention of it being legally (or not so legally) changed, especially without her consent.

"My daughter's name is Kleopatra. You're Eurydike," Olympias said. She paused, then added, "Actually, Kleopatra's about your age. I should arrange a meeting between the two of you."

Eurydike slumped down in her seat. What was the use of fighting fate? She just knew she was going to end up as a part of this dyslexic family. "Fine..." she muttered, resigned. "I'm Eurydike."

"And did you read the pamphlet Olympias gave you?" Phillina asked, patting her on the shoulder.

She paused. "Not really... It looked like liberal political garbage, and my uncle doesn't like it when I read things like that. He thinks I should only read from the Book of Zeus."

"You should read it!" Olympias exclaimed. She jumped out of her seat and pointed a finger at Eurydike. The girl had the sudden feeling that she'd just failed in some aspect of her own femininity. "We women have been oppressed by males far too long, and it's time we did something to change all that! Don't you think it's unfair that your uncle gets to choose who you marry, without first consulting you?"

"Well--"

"And that you'll have to obey your husband, to the point of having sex with him even when you're not in the mood, and he isn't exactly Apollo either?"

"Er--"

And, more removed, Philip protested, "Hey! That's harsh! I'm a total love machine!"

Olympias continued on relentlessly. "And that whatever standing you manage to gain through life will be due solely to your husband and sons!" She paused, actually deterred from her rant. "Not that sons are a bad thing or anything. My sweet little Alexander is such a dear, and a great dresser. He bought me this dress for my last birthday." She spun around to show off her outfit. "Isn't it wonderful?"

Eurydike just stared, completely at a loss for what to say. The abrupt change of subject didn't help much either. Fortunately, she didn't have to say anything, because Phillina did. "My Arridaios is much sweeter than your Alexander," she said in a firm tone. "He always cleans up his toys, gives me a kiss before going to bed, and washes behind his ears." Eurydike blinked. From what she'd overheard her uncle say once before, wasn't Prince Arridaios a teenager? "You know..." Phillina added slowly, "ever since the day my little Arridaios visited you when he was three, he's been the sweetest thing in the world."

Olympias paused for a moment, at a quandary. So perhaps she had... er, persuaded little Arridaios to live his life as a simple (but always sweet!) boy. Anything to insure her Alexander's position. On the other hand, she'd since discovered what an interesting person Phillina was, and she didn't want to risk their relationship. "I told him that good boys were sweet and kind to their mothers," she replied. "I guess he took that advice to heart."

Phillina smiled back at her, her son's sweet expression mirrored on her face. "That's very good advice you gave him, dear. I'm so glad Arridaios has a kind second mother he can turn to in times of need."

"Um... right." Olympias coughed nervously. Then, to make sure this topic of conversation didn't come up again, she initiated another prolonged (almost six minutes this time) lip-lock with Phillina. Eurydike, meanwhile, fought down the feeling that she'd just been smitten with the lighting bolt of foreshadowing. It was probably the trauma of watching two women do... er, something that women weren't supposed to do. Like politics. She perked up. Yes, politics was something women weren't supposed to get into and that pamphlet of Olympias's had sounded rather political. That must be it. Olympias and Phillina doubtless stayed up late politicking together. They should be ashamed of themselves; only men and boys were allowed to stay with late politicking together.

"Is this really something you should be doing in public?" Eurydike turned and saw a strange man standing near their table. She looked at his glasses, his large nose, and the mustache that clashed with the rest of his hair, and let out a little shriek of fear. "Oops," the man muttered and pulled off his clumsy disguise to reveal Philip. Eurydike felt only mildly relieved. There was silence for a moment, before Philip pointedly said, "I asked you a question, remember?" He'd have gotten here sooner, but he'd passed a merchant with lovely color pictures of Athens. It had taken him some time to pull himself away; that one drawing of the Academy kept making him swoon in delight.

Olympias and Phillina finally pulled away from each other's mouths. It was amazing how involved the kiss had become; they must be very good politicians. "If you want in on the fun, you're out of luck," Olympias told him, an arm draped possessively around Phillina. "We enjoy ourselves more when it's just the two of us."

Philip shrugged. "Threesomes are only satisfying when they involve some S&M anyway, and Phillina doesn't like that sort of thing. I found some cute boys to have a sleepover with." He saw Eurydike, and quickly changed his tone. "How dare you two act so shamelessly in public, and in front of my sweet, naïve Eurydike. I won't have you dirtying her with your... indecency," he finally finished. He was quite proud of himself. He'd learned that last word from Demosthenes. A true strategist could turn his enemy's schemes to his own advantage.

"What does it matter what we do in front of Eurydike?" Olympias asked. "If she wanted in, we would have let her. Better if she's with us than with you, after all."

"You can't do that in front of her because she's a virgin," Philip snapped. He'd made sure he confirmed that little tidbit with Attalos before their first date. He hadn't had a virgin in a long time, and was definitely looking forward to it.

"A virgin?" Olympias went pale as she remembered the promise she'd made to Aristander in the last episode. "Oh, shit." So much for helping the girl in the name of feminine equality and the name of fighting Philip.

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