Title: Consequences
Author: Qaddafi the Ripper
Summary: With all good things comes a price. Alexander and Hephaistion face the difficulties of being young and in love. Rated NC-17 for graphic sex.
Part One: Changes
Hephaistion followed Alexander closely as they walked through the woods. Sunlight filtered sporadically through gaps in the leaves. Somewhere not too far away a bird was chirping merrily. He smiled and tightened his fingers around the handle of the basket he was carrying. It would be today, just as they had planned.
He caught sight of a clearing covered with soft moss. He tapped Alexander's shoulder and pointed. "Over there?" he asked. Alexander looked, paused, and nodded. They turned aside from the path, maneuvering through the underbrush until they reached the clearing. They stood staring at each other.
His heart was beating frantically, his mouth was dry, and his legs trembled. This was it. After this, there would be no going back. He wanted it, yes; right now he wanted it more than anything else he'd ever wanted before. His whole body burned with desire, the need to touch Alexander, and love him like he'd dreamed of. But there was fear too, equaling his desire.
This one act, if they performed it, would change everything. Maybe for the better, he hoped for the better, but change was still frightening. Moreover, he was afraid that the change wouldn't be good. Would their friendship be ruined if they slept together? Would it be less than they hoped it would be, the disappointed becoming a thorn between them? What if he did something wrong and hurt Alexander? He had his dreams for reference, and what he'd overheard from other boys and men, but that knowledge was little enough. Boys were supposed to have their first time with an older man, one who was kind and loving and wise and who knew well what felt good and what would hurt. Hephaistion had no desire to go to a man for this; it had to be with Alexander, or no one else.
Hands visibly shaking, relieved suddenly of the basket he'd been carrying, he reached out and took Alexander's hands. His were trembling too, and it gave Hephaistion some confidence. "I'm terrified," he whispered.
"So am I," Alexander admitted quietly. There was no one who could hear them here save the birds in the trees, but they still kept their voices down. They hadn't dared try anything at Mieza, with its thin walls and other boys listening. But even in their escape to a private location with no prospect of someone coming to search for them since they were supposed to be out looking for specimens for Aristotle, still they tried to be quiet.
Hephaistion wetted his dry lips with his tongue. "Do you still want this?" he asked.
The hesitance and fear of the unknown that he felt was in Alexander's eyes as well, but he answered steadily enough. "Yes. Do you?"
He drew the smaller boy into an embrace. "You know I do," he murmured into Alexander's hair. "I want it more than anything." He lowered his face and brought shivering lips to Alexander's. Never since the first time they'd kissed had they been so awkward, so cautious. He pulled back after such a painfully short time. Things were already changing between them, and they hadn't yet done what they'd planned.
Hephaistion took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. People did this all the time without fear. It would be wonderful, a final act that would seal their love forever. He drew back from Alexander and fingered the folds of his chiton. "I want you," he said, and quickly stripped off his clothes. Alexander watched silently. Hephaistion hesitated, holding the bundle of cloth in front of him. He was hard and he wasn't sure he wanted Alexander to see it. But they would soon see much more. He dropped his clothes to the ground; he absently noticed his chiton fell upon the abandoned basket.
He looked to Alexander and found he was taking his own clothes off. Hephaistion stared at Alexander's nude body hungrily. They had seen each other naked before, but the memory of his dreams flashed before his eyes as he thought of what he wanted.
The fear was slowing disappearing, washing away under a wave of passion. He reached out and took Alexander's hands again, his hands now shaking with anticipation. He sat down on the soft ground, drawing Alexander down beside him. His gaze descended, to find that Alexander was as hard as he was. He stared, fascinated, hungry. "Can I touch you?" he asked.
Alexander flushed, but he nodded. "Yes, please." His voice was a bit breathless. That he could affect Alexander as deeply as Alexander did him amazed him. Another burst of fear took him, but mingled heavily with desire. He slipped one hand from Alexander's and reached down, fingering his manhood. Alexander stiffened and held Hephaistion's other hand tightly. Hephaistion barely noticed. He ran his hand up and down the entire length, feeling the silken hardness. He stroked the tip and Alexander gasped.
The fear had vanished now, though he hadn't noticed when. He leaned closer to Alexander, pressing bare chest to bare chest. He wrapped his hand around Alexander's length and rubbed it in a way that felt so good when he did it to himself. He released Alexander's hands, slipping his free arm around Alexander's waist, drawing them closer.
He barely noticed when Alexander's arm came around his shoulder, intent only on what was thrusting into his hand, but he did notice when Alexander's hand grasped his cock. He moaned and pushed his hips forward. "More," he pleaded. Alexander took him more firmly, rubbing Hephaistion in the same way Hephaistion rubbed him.
Their bodies pressed closer together, drawing heady friction. Hephaistion clung tightly to Alexander, his hand and hips moving fast now. His mind was a haze of fire that he plunged into willingly. His world had narrowed to his own cock thrusting desperately into Alexander's hand and his hand on Alexander's. Then he became harder and his world narrowed further until, with a suddenness that surprised him, he came, jerking and crying out mindless declarations of love.
The tremors of completion passed, as they always did, leaving behind a gentle tiredness. It had been stronger than when he'd come from his own ministrations. He smiled quietly at the thought and felt Alexander come into his hand. He held his breath, savoring the way Alexander pushed against him, the liquid spurting over his fingers, the gasp of his own name that slipped past Alexander's lips. When Alexander too was finally spent, he lay silent in Hephaistion's arms. Hephaistion lay back slowly on the moss, his eyes drifting shut. He listened to Alexander's quiet, regular breathing, and soon fell asleep.
* * * * *
He woke up slowly, half his body cold, the other half warm. He blinked himself fully awake; dusk was falling and he was naked, which accounted for the chill, and Alexander lay beside him, which accounted for the warmth. A smile lit his face as he remembered what they'd done before falling asleep. It was, quite possibly, the most intense and fulfilling thing he'd ever done. He reached a hand up and ran his fingers lazily through Alexander's hair.
Alexander stirred against him and woke also. They stared at each other, less than a breath apart, gauging the other's reaction. Hephaistion had thought he couldn't keep a smile from his face no matter what else, but when Alexander continued to stare at him, solemn and expressionless, his grin faltered. Fear assailed him again. What if Alexander hadn't enjoyed it as much as he had? What if he had regrets that they'd done it? What if he never wanted to see Hephaistion ever again?
The soft touch of Alexander's fingers along his jaw quieted his fears. There was wonder and love shining in his friend's face. "Why did we wait so long to do that?" Alexander thought aloud.
Hephaistion laughed with just a hint of lingering hysteria. His smile once again stretched across his face with no end in sight. "I don't know, but I want to do it again." Alexander grinned back at him. "It was wonderful," Hephaistion reflected, "but it didn't last very long. There's so many other things I've thought of that I want to try."
"Like what?" Alexander's voice was soft and husky. Hephaistion swallowed, as he noted that his body would like to try some of those things out right now.
"It's late," he said, a little too quickly, but with regret clearly in his voice. "If we don't get back soon, someone may come looking for us."
Alexander frowned. "You're right," he agreed. "We should go back." He pulled back from Hephaistion and sat up, stretching. Hephaistion watched, growing more eager for a second time. He struggled to rip his eyes away.
"You're dirty," he blurted out. Alexander frowned and looked down at himself. There was dirt and grass stains on his legs, and a pale liquid on his stomach and hand. Both Hephaistion and Alexander turned red when they realized what that liquid was. "We should clean up before going back, if we don't want everyone to know what we did," Hephaistion suggested.
"Yes, you're right," Alexander agreed again, not looking at him. Hephaistion sat up and put his arms on Alexander's shoulders, ignoring the mess on himself.
"I don't feel like sharing you just yet," he said. "What we did is just between the two of us." He trembled to think of their new relationship. He wished to savor it, before it became the latest gossip at Mieza. They were now lovers. Lovers; he repeated the word over and over to himself, enjoying the sound of it. Lovers.
Alexander nodded. "Just between us. It will only cause trouble when the others find out," he added bitterly. But he gave Hephaistion a soft kiss to show it wasn't his lover he was angry with. Hephaistion leaned into the kiss. Becoming lovers hadn't ruined their friendship or love at all. He could have sung and danced in front of the world for the joy that filled him. His body thrilled at Alexander's closeness and he was ready for a second time when a chill breeze brushed his back, reminding him.
He quickly pulled back from Alexander before he could forget again. "There's a small river that we passed just back that way." We waved a hand in the general direction they'd come. "Shall we bathe together?" He burned with eagerness.
"What an excellent idea. Yes." Alexander stood and picked up the dirty bundle of his clothes. Hephaistion scrambled to his feet, grabbing his own clothes and the basket. It was fortunate that Aristotle knew they didn't always come back with some specimen, or they'd have had to concoct something. He and Alexander walked side by side slowly, pausing to look at each other, brushing against one another. He wondered fleetingly how they planned to keep what they'd done a secret if they were still acting like this when they returned to Mieza. But he couldn't help it; the memory of what they'd done and Alexander's immediate presence drove him to loving distraction.
They came upon the small stream. It was barely deep enough to reach their thighs, but it would do. They left their clothes and the basket on the bank and waded in together. The water was cold; Hephaistion shivered and began rubbing the dirt off himself as quickly as he could. He watched Alexander cleaning himself more slowly, barely bothered by the chill of the water. He shivered again; at least, after plunging into the stream, his body had stopped crying out for a second time with Alexander.
Their chitons were fairly clean; what dirt remained could be explained away by a day spent searching through the woods. Clothed at last, he was a little warmer. "Shall we go back now?" he asked, picking up the basket. Alexander smiled and took hold of his free hand. Hand in hand, they slowly made their way back through the wood to Mieza.
The little villa, set apart from the village nearby, was quiet when they returned, although lights still burned in most windows. When they got in sight, Hephaistion let go of Alexander's hand and walked a bit further away. He forced the silly grin from his face and tried to act the way he normally did. He wondered again if they could actually fool anyone.
No one was there when they entered. They reached the common room, where some of the other boys lounged around. The older boys would be in the village, wenching or gambling or drinking or even all three if their fancy took them. The ones still here looked up and waved or called greetings. Hephaistion called back in a friendly tone, hoping he seemed casual. He could tell that he was still glowing, and if he was glowing, then Alexander burned. Surely someone would notice. But none of the boys did, turning back soon to what they'd been doing before.
They left the common room, continuing down the hall to where the small dormitory they shared was. Hephaistion caught a whiff of the remains of dinner and decided to sneak into the kitchen and grab any leftovers. But before they could reach either their room or the kitchen, they rounded a corner to find Aristotle barring their way. The philosopher had a stern, disapproving expression on. Hephaistion's stomach dropped; the old man could guess what they'd done, and he didn't approve.
"Come with me," Aristotle said, turned, and walked away, not looking back to see if they would follow. Hephaistion paused then trudged after, hunched over. Alexander walked beside him, scowling thunderous with head held high. Hephaistion glanced at him again, then straightened. If Alexander had no intention of facing the philosopher's wrath like a naughty child, then neither did he.
Aristotle led them to study. He sat down but there was only one other place to sit, so Hephaistion and Alexander faced him standing. Hephaistion's gaze wandered, seeing the stack of scrolls piled on the desk, jars and boxes filled with unusual things lining shelves, and a large map of Greece and its surroundings covering one wall. "Am I right in thinking that you two were..." he coughed, suddenly embarrassed. "Intimate today," he finished quickly.
"Yes," Hephaistion answered, glancing at Alexander. His lips were drawn in a tight, unforgiving line and his eyes flashed. "You didn't object when some of the other boys slept together, sir," Hephaistion continued. He kept his voice strong but polite.
"No, I didn't," Aristotle agreed. "While I believe that true friendship is a pure and scared thing that carnal relations can only tarnish, I will not stop those who wish to be together regardless. However, you are not like the other boys here." Here he gazed firmly at Alexander.
Hephaistion frowned at the double standard before realizing why Aristotle was upset. "You're afraid the king or queen will be angry with you," he guessed aloud.
Aristotle nodded. "While there is little I could do to prevent such a this - and of those things, I doubt any would sway you, Alexander - the king and queen may not see it that way."
Alexander finally spoke up. "If either Father or Mother are displeased by what I choose to do, they should take it up with me, not you." His scowl turned harder. "They can't force me to live the way they want me to. And they're the last ones who should lecture me about love affairs!" He whirled and stalked out of the room, ignoring Hephaistion's cry for him to stop, slamming the door behind him.
Hephaistion lowered his hand in defeat, staring blankly at the door. Could Alexander really go against his parents for him? Maybe they could keep it secret from them too. But no, if Aristotle had noticed, watching them from a window, them surely the king and queen would notice.
"So you're just going to let him go?" Hephaistion turned back to his teacher, who was still frowning in disapproval. "Don't just stand there staring, go after him. He needs you right now."
He frowned. "I thought you disapproved," he said.
Aristotle shrugged. "I do, but any blind fool could watch the two of you and realize that you're in love. I'm surprised it took you this long," he added dryly, causing Hephaistion to flush. "Now that you have, you shouldn't just desert him. True friends stand by each other no matter what."
No matter what. Hephaistion's lips curved slightly upwards. "Thank you, sir. I'll be going after Alexander now. Have a nice night." Aristotle waved him gone impatiently and Hephaistion left his study. He started heading for his room, but then turned around and went to the kitchen. Something to eat wouldn't hurt him or Alexander. One of the few servants was cleaning up, and it took very little persuasion to get the man to give Hephaistion a plate filled with leftovers. He made his way back from whence he'd come and when he reached his room, he paused outside the door.
He took a deep breath and entered. The room was lit by moonlight alone, throwing strange shadows all over the place. But there was enough light for him to see Alexander pacing back and forth in what space the room provided. Hephaistion skirted his path and sat down on his bed; Alexander barely noticed, except to not run into him. "Are you hungry?" he asked, putting the plate of food down beside himself. The soft tread of Alexander's feet was his only answer. He shrugged and picked up a hunk of bread, biting into it eagerly. While chewing, his eyes followed Alexander's circular path. "You haven't had anything to eat since breakfast," he said after a few minutes. "You must be hungry by now."
"I'm not hungry," Alexander muttered. "Go away."
Hephaistion smiled, not bothered in the least. At least Alexander was finally talking to him. "Then I'll just eat all of it," he said cheerfully. He picked up a small piece of cheese. Alexander whirled and stared at him, finally still. Hephaistion paused, the cheese half way to his mouth.
"That's it?" Alexander demanded. "Aren't you going to say anything?"
"What do you want me to say?" Hephaistion countered calmly. "Do you want me to say I don't mind if your parents get angry about us? Or that I do care, and if they disapprove I'll leave you."
Alexander paled and spoke quickly. "You weren't going to say that, were you?"
"That I'd leave you? Of course not. You know perfectly well that I'll stay with you no matter what your parents think. I'd prefer it if they approved, naturally, because it would make you feel better."
Alexander sighed, visibly relaxing. "Thank you," he said softly. "It helps, hearing you say it." Hephaistion reached and grabbed Alexander by the waist, pulling him down next to him on the bed. He left his arm around Alexander's waist - his lover's waist; he still tingled, thinking that word - and handed Alexander the plate of food. They ate together, Alexander eventually leaning his head back against Hephaistion's shoulder. They said nothing, merely basking in the other's presence.
Hephaistion put the plate aside when they were finished. "Do you think my parents will be upset?" Alexander asked.
Hephaistion raised an eyebrow. "They're your parents, not mine. What do you think?"
Alexander considered. "I doubt my father will mind. He's had enough lovers for three. And he likes you and your father. It's my mother I'm worried about. I think she may feel you're trying to take me away from her."
"I am trying to take you away from her," Hephaistion murmured, suddenly passionate. He gave Alexander a messy kiss on the cheek. Alexander turned his head so they could kiss properly. They pulled back before too long though, and Hephaistion asked seriously, "Do you think the queen will try to do anything to me?" There were some fearsome rumors going around about what Olympias was capable of.
Alexander scowled, the most ferocious expression Hephaistion had ever seen on him. "She had better not," he growled.
Wondering, Hephaistion cupped Alexander's chin in his hand. "Would you really fight your mother for me?"
"Yes." Calm, cool, and determined, with no trace of hesitation.
Hephaistion, smitten with a sudden burst of love, kissed him again, much more heatedly this time. Without quite noticing how, they ended up laying together in a tangle on top of Hephaistion's bed. When Hephaistion finally managed to pull back, breathing hard, he gasped, "We should stop now. Or we won't be able to."
"I thought we slept together so we'd stop wanting each other so badly," Alexander said, also a little breathless. That really had been one of the reasons, as there'd been a time or two when they'd nearly started something in public despite the audience.
"Then it didn't work very well." He caressed Alexander's chest through his chiton, more than half hoping they wouldn't stop. "Now that I've had you, want you even more." Alexander's eyes burned as he pulled Hephaistion to him. He fell willingly into the deep gray pools of Alexander's eyes, his mind dancing with images he wanted to try out.
There was no hesitance this time. They'd felt the pleasures of the body and yearned for another taste. In almost no time, they'd both shed their clothes and crawled under the sheets. Hephaistion trailed his hands down Alexander's bare chest, feeling the muscles beneath the smooth skin. "I want you so much," he murmured, and followed the path of his hands with his mouth. When he touched Alexander's nipples, his lover leaned into him with a moan of pleasure.
"Hephaistion, I was wondering--" a voice came from the door, only to stop abruptly. Hephaistion stiffened and rolled off of Alexander, pulling the sheet up over them as far as it would go. He glared at Harpalos, who was standing in the doorway with a smug expression.
"Don't you knock?" he demanded angrily, glaring at his friend.
"Well, finally," Harpalos commented languidly, ignoring Hephaistion's question. "You sure took long enough." Though his tone was teasing, his eyes held approval.
Hephaistion relaxed somewhat, though he was still annoyed. "You knew?" he asked, feeling awkward.
"If you wanted to keep your feelings a secret, you shouldn't have gone mooning after each other in public." Harpalos grinned more broadly. "We had a bet on how long it would take you two the jump in bed together. I think Ptolemy might have had the closest guess, but I'll have to check to make sure. See you in the morning!" And with a lecherous grin that made his meaning perfectly clear, he left as quickly as he'd come, closing the door behind him.
"Shit," Alexander muttered, burying his face in the pillow. Hephaistion sighed and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. What Harpalos had had in mind wouldn't be happening now; the mood had been ruined too much.
"So much for keeping it a secret," Hephaistion said regretfully. By tomorrow morning, everyone would know about it. Harpalos was a good friend, but an irredeemable gossip. "We should act casually about it, but not deny it," he suggested. There wouldn't be any point in denying it now, and getting worked up over it being known would just invite more teasing and gossip.
Alexander made a muffled sound that Hephaistion took for agreement. He sighed quietly. None of this was going like they'd planned. He wondered what else could go wrong, then decided he didn't want to think about that. He shifted to a more comfortable position, arm still around Alexander. He should have enjoyed sharing his bed with Alexander, their first night as lovers. They were both out-of-sorts, so Hephaistion closed his eyes and concentrated on falling asleep. It took a long time.
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